Year-End Resolution Recap: Part 2

In 2015, instead of setting resolutions in January and trying to keep up with all of them and then angrily abandoning all of them when it became hard, I chose one per month. Overall, it was an awesome experience, and much easier to maintain when I was only focusing on one thing at a time.

You can read Part 1 here!

Did I Do it?
Hell yeah. You can read about it here or watch below



What I Learned:

I can do anything.

I set out to downsize everything I have into two suitcases because I was planning to move to San Francisco. I didn't want to take everything with me because I had no idea where I'd be living, or how long it would take me to find a place to live (I was planning on staying at a hostel until I found a place of my own.) Plus, most importantly, I wanted to see if I could.

On a hoarding scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is "I live out of my truck" and 10 is "there's a truck underneath that pile of stuff" I'm at about a 6 (used to be about an 8 two years ago). I'd like to be at most a 4. What a great opportunity to push myself, right?

But I also spent so long making my studio in Phoenix into a comfortable, cozy space. I genuinely loved my apartment and the things in it. It brought me lots of joy.

So I gave most of what I cherished to people I love. My beautiful sparkling lights are with someone I love. My giant wall-sized whiteboard is with someone I love. My couch, the comfiest couch in the world, is with someone I love. My bookshelf/desk, the cleverest furniture combo, is with someone I love. My dishes, my candles, my boxes of tea, my books, everything that made my lovely apartment a cozy place is with someone I love. And it made it easier to say goodbye to it, and to them.

And I did it. I could do it.

This was a period of time where I was working 13 hours days. Reading feels like an actual break, so I thought this would be a good time to set a reading goal.

When I set this goal, I knew it was very ambitious, since it usually takes me about a month to finish a book. But I figured it would convince me to choose reading over spending time on a computer, so I upped the ante.

Turns out, I really didn't spend that long on the computer (because I was working 13 hours a day.) I also didn't read 4 books like I planned. I had time for 2. They were great, I'd recommend both--

    

I posted this on my instagram at the end of july:

And got some great ideas from people (especially erica)

Did I Do It?
Not even a little bit. I tried. I tried different prompts and I tried lots of times, but I did not draw a single thing that month because I spent that whole time staring at a blank piece of paper and hating myself a little more each time I couldn't draw anything.

What I Learned
Drawing isn't hard because I can't think of what to draw. Drawing is hard because I'm scared of drawing something ugly. While I didn't meet my resolution this month, that realization was important. It actually helped me sort out where those feelings were coming from, which helped me draw stuff three months later:

Year-End Resolution Recap: Part 1

In 2015, instead of setting resolutions in January and trying to keep up with all of them and then angrily abandoning all of them when it became hard, I chose one per month. Overall, it was an awesome experience, and much easier to maintain when I was only focusing on one thing at a time.

Here's  a recap:

Did I Do It?
Yes. It was terrifying, but yes.

Can I Still Do It?
Well, I can drive red miatas on completely flat surfaces with no other cars around. So, yes.

What I Learned:
The hardest thing was figuring out how to get into first gear. Letting the clutch off and pressing on the gas together was... hard. The more I stalled, the harder it got, and the more I psyched myself out. I felt like Korra when she was going through that rotating panel maze.

My solution was literally the same as hers. Breathe into it. I literally said "be the leaf" every time I got into first gear. And hey, it worked.

Did I Do It?
Yes. It was awesome. I talk about this resolution here, but keep reading if you just want the gist of it.

What I Learned:
I didn't even bother making a resolution to exercise more this year because I hate it, but exercising allows me to explore parts of the world I wouldn't get to otherwise. I want to challenge myself and do tougher hikes. Taller peaks = better views!

Oh, this was a big one. I learned that so many of you relate to this feeling, of being messy but not really knowing how to not be messy without hating yourself. I felt so much better after sharing this habit that makes me feel super crappy about myself, and hopeful that I was actually able to see a lot of progress by the end of the month. This was one of the best ones I did all year. You can read about my mid-month progress here, or watch my end-of-month reflection below! 

Since March, I was able to maintain this habit through the end of the summer, but it all stopped when I moved to San Francisco. Oops. Guess I know my January resolution for 2016?

Did I Do It?
Sort of. It was hard because I had to plan ahead to buy the ingredients (it required more work than just rolling out of bed and going for it, you know?) so I did it 3 times. Still felt great!

What I Learned:
This resolution wasn't really about becoming a better baker. The idea behind this resolution was that I would bake things for other people. This was a resolution about practicing gratitude. I wanted to make snacks for some people that I love because I didn't feel very good at expressing gratitude through gestures.

Here are two of the recipes I used:

1. The Best M&M Cookies

2. Carrot Cake Squares  (with cream cheese frosting ribboned in)

"Wrong" Feelings

I remember once when I was maybe 13, I was crying in my bathroom, and my mom told me to stop faking it. My literal cry for help, attention, comfort, whatever it was at the time, was met with rejection, and it felt awful. It was very isolating.

Even today, at 24 years old, I felt a similar thing. I was talking about how some of the ways white people do Indian things feels inauthentic to me, and why I think that hurts Indian people in the U.S., and felt like Mr. was trying to, in his way, tell me to shut up. It was isolating.

My mother and Mr. aren't bad people. They can be very supportive a lot of the time. But what makes these moments different? Why do they dismiss my feelings and ideas instead of comforting me? Or, at the least, listening to what I have to say?

Something about those conversations prevents these people--these good people with good intentions--from listening without being defensive. For my mother all those years ago, maybe it was a fear that I did not love her, or that my tears were evidence of something far greater and more serious and reflected some fundamental truth about her ability as a parent. For Mr. I think it's a fear that my disagreeableness reflects on his own character, or that I'm making an otherwise "pleasant" conversation less so than if I said nothing.

In those moments, I have to remind myself that what I'm feeling is not wrong. And I hope you remember the same. During those moments where you're being told (explicitly or subtly) that what you're feeling is wrong, I hope you remember that your feelings are real, legitimate, and even if it's difficult for good people with good intentions to understand you in the way you're trying to be understood, you're not wrong for feeling what you are in that moment.

In fact, they are.

This quote by Louis C.K. comes to mind--

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t."

- Louis C.K.