Other Lives, by Peter Bagge

I just read Other Lives, a graphic novel about four people finding solace from their "real world" issues online. I almost didn't get this book because one of the blurbs on the back compared it to "The Big Bang Theory" (a.k.a. the most annoying show I've ever watched in my entire life), but got it anyway thinking it might not be so bad since I won't hear a laugh track. And I'm glad, because I really enjoyed reading it.

The art reminds me of vintage Disney cartoons:

And the story feels n o t h i n g like The Big Bang Theory (phew.) It's more like a comic version of Safety Not Guaranteed. The characters are vulnerable, but in so many different ways and for so many different reasons. You don't need an extensive back story on each person to "get" them--there's enough room for you to fill in details, which makes you think about the characters more, which makes you care about them more. 

Here's what I mean--you've got Ivy, a woman who lives out creepy, socially unacceptable fantasies on Second World, the story's virtual world. I assumed it had to do with growing up in a conservative Chinese household, but it could just as easily have something to do with feeling powerless in her current relationship. Or she could just be a sadistic person, who knows? But she felt so much more substantial after I thought about the things that might make her want to go on online murder rampages.

The characters use Second World to fill different types of voids in their lives, but they also take it seriously at varying levels. Ivy places a clear distinction between her avatar and self, and doesn't expect anything she does online to affect her in real life:

And Woodrow, whose online gambling addiction has affected his real life very, very much:

There are layers. There are plot twists. The art is fantastic. Go read it, it'll only take an afternoon.

Pineapple-Apple-Mint Juice

I've been in love with Blueprint juice for a while now. But it's hard to justify spending $11-$15 for a bottle of juice... no matter how life-changing, delicious, healthy, and magical it is. Blueprint is a treat. (The last time I drank some, I poured it into a shot glass to "savor" it. Crazy, I know.)

I bought the Pineapple-Apple-Mint juice the other day, gulped it down, and was distraught that I couldn't have this every day.

Wait, no. I can.

I decided to give juicing a try on my own, but I don't own a juicer. I have a blender and a strainer (and lots of patience.) I spent $35 on produce and herbs, and was able to make 6 batches of juice of about the same size as Blueprint. And, when you make your own, you have lots of room to experiment!

Before I went grocery shopping, I looked up which fruits are currently in season. Check your state's Farm Bureau to see what's fresh! Here's what I got:

My first concoction was an attempt to recreate the juice I had earlier this week.

Blueprint uses green apples (I think) but I wanted something a little sweeter, so I used red apples.

Juicing apples is a horrendously difficult experience without an actual juicer, so I don't think I'll be making this batch very often...

It's like trying to separate all the liquids from applesauce...

But after you strain it twice, it's delicious.

Best served chilled, poolside.

Passive-Aggression (or, how I realized I should use my voice)

When I was thirteen, I threw a cantaloupe off my roof.

My mom had recently tried the fruit for the first time, and she really liked it. She bought one from Fry’s, and there it was. Sitting on the counter. She was really excited about it. But I was angry at her, so I chucked it off the roof and smashed it.

The point here isn't that The Great Cantaloupe Toss was immature, rather, that it was passive-aggressive.

I recently read Amanda Chan's article on how to deal with passive aggressive people, in which she talks about passive-aggression in ways I hadn't considered before.

When I think about PA behavior, I think of snide notes or being kinda weirdly sarcastic in a trying-to-play-it-off way when it's really obvious you're bothered. I don't think of the silent treatment. I don't think of spitefully chucking fruit off the roof.

At its core, passive-aggressiveness is a power struggle. In her article, Chan says that "passive-aggressive behavior, while expressed in many different ways, has the same roots: There is an underlying fear and avoidance of direct conflict, yet a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. The result? An unspoken power struggle, that can appear in several different ways."

I was angry because my mother wouldn't let me sit in the passenger seat of our car ("you had to be 16," she said, when "you had to be 13" last year.) My mother's rules were inconsistent and arbitrary. Or, so I thought. I later discovered that she didn’t make an arbitrary rule... she was trying to punish me. She had read a text when she was snooping around on my phone, and saw that I had said some mean things about her to a friend. She said that she didn't let me sit in the front out of spite.

What's your first impulse when someone cuts you off in traffic? You want to speed up and cut them off, right? PA works the same way.

Let me tell you about The Great Bedroom Tornado of 2013.

Mr. shoved some of my stuff near the door, with an unspoken "get rid of your stuff it's taking up too much space." I became so angry that I threw everything off every shelf in the bedroom. Same cycle. No talking, just acting out.

Stacking my stuff near the front door is super PA, but what I didn't realize was this--if someone is resorting to PA behavior, they don't feel comfortable talking to you about how they feel. And I don't want anybody to feel like I won't listen when they share their feelings. I don't want anyone to think that talking about things is futile.

If I recognized what Mr.'s PA behavior meant, I'd have just talked about it. But I didn't. I focused on how insulting it was, and, instead of talking to him about how it made me feel, I engaged in some PA behavior myself.

It's a gross cycle. And it's much harder to recognize when you're the instigator. But knowing that it's cyclical (and, I guess, that you don't like it) is a good place to start. Because the sooner you break the cycle, the better--the kinder--it is for everyone.

Tatted Up

I have a confession. When I was 14, I wanted a tattoo of Pikachu on my hip.

(I'm glad I didn't get it.)

When I was 17, I wanted a tattoo of a latin idiom, alis volat propriis, on my wrist. I had it engraved on a bracelet instead.

And lately, I've been eyeing geometric tattoos...

(via Shh..., Paradise, and Victor Webster, respectively)

But I'm just so friggin indecisive. There's only so much room on my body, and trying to make any permanent changes to it--even thinking about it--makes me anxious. I'd get a tattoo if I could make up my mind, but because I can't, I go for henna instead. Henna tattoos last long enough to feel substantial, and fade away when you start to get bored.  

Sierra and I went to Flagstaff today, and gave each other henna tats after exploring the woods. In a month, maybe we'll do it again.

Blueberry Quesadillas

I felt a little brave today so I threw in some blueberries in a quesadilla.

And it was delicious. Slightly sweet. Very savory.

You only need a few berries (remember, they get smashed and spread out when you press the second tortilla on top.) I also added cabbage and peppers.

Top it off with pineapple salsa and chipotle sauce! Goldwater's makes a lot of interesting varieties of fruit salsa--peach, mango, raspberry, pineapple--and Herdez is my #1 for the usuals.

Explore Your Space

Have you ever traveled with no itinerary?

I don't, usually. But today, I grabbed a couple of friends and drove.  South. That was the plan.

We drove south until it looked like this:



There was a house every couple of miles, but otherwise it was a quiet, dusty desert. I think we were on a reservation for a little bit, but who knows?

When you drive with no plans, every discovery is a gem. And there's always something.

Like a lush field behind a farm.

Or a burial ground.

Or pretty yellow flowers.

And, what you wanted to see all along. A perfect sunset.

I've gotta wander more often.

Before You Make a Vision Board...

Fantasizing about the future is my #1 hobby. I'm all about vision boards (a poster, collage, or some sort of visual representation of your ideal life.) When my mind isn't actively engaging with something, it's always thinking about the future.

For example, I spent 20 minutes during my morning shower fantasizing about a cool future kitchen. I imagined some cool dishes. And a bar cart. 

Seems harmless, right?

But this is how it happens. This is what makes it hard to stay present. The more I think about a future kitchen, the less I've enjoyed my yummy, minty soap.

The more I think about the future, the more I worry about it.

Some people swear by vision boards, but many psychologists say they're bad news.

According to psychologist Neil Farber, vision boards "may be beneficial to some; in particular, helping us organize and more clearly delineate our goals. However, there is good evidence that these actions may also be detrimental." He conducted several studies--among students, athletes, job-hunters--and found that people were "more successful if they imagined themselves training rather than winning."

Visualizing a possible future as if it has already occurred means that you're not living mindfully in the present.

So, I'm not going to make a vision board.

I'm going to make an action board instead. A "how can I enjoy the present" board. A "what can I do right now to become happier" board. Because when I'm writhing around the floor feeling really, really awful, I don't need to think about some ideal life that I have to wait for. I need to see something I can do right then, something that'll feel good now.

I don't want a Tomorrow Board.

I want a Now Board.

What's on this thing? A bunch of things I already enjoy (not things I feel like I should enjoy!)

1. Stories about people's lives and travels. Reading a good book calms me down.

2. Incense, or candles. Sandalwood and jasmine incense remind me of the serene vibe inside Indian temples.

3. Animals cheer me up. Always.

4. Art, in person. Being around art nourishes me.

5. Meditating and yoga. I have never regretted spending my time that way. Ever.

6. Drawing and writing. We all need a creative release!

7. Taking photos, because I end up discovering details about things I wouldn't have otherwise. It feels like meditating, really. 

Now, I have a solid reminder of a bunch of things I can do if I feel gross in my head. 

When It's Hard to Become Calm

Deep Breathing : Put your hands on your stomach and breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 10 seconds as you feel your stomach rise and fall. Breathe as slowly as you can.

The 5-4-3-2-1 Game : Out loud, state 5 things you feel; 4 things you see; 3 things you smell; 2 things you hear; and one thing you smell. Repeat as needed.

Physical Grounding : Feel how the ground feels under your feet, how the chair you are sitting on feels, and do a general body scan. If it's hard, try squeezing and relaxing your toes or fingers--it'll give your something less static to think about.

Meditation : I can't meditate on my own, so I always use guided meditations. UCLA has a great series of short meditations, and Wellbeing has awesome longer meditations.

Run : Get your heart rate up for at least 20 minutes, and you'll feel better afterwards. Guaranteed.

Vinyasa Yoga : Okay, so maybe you hate running. Find a vinyasa flow you like (I'm a fan of going back and forth from downward dog to upward dog) and go for it in a quiet space. 

Yoga for the Summer Blues

Adriene made this video for people spending a lot of time indoors (i.e. sedentary) in the wintertime. But I live in Arizona. I'm not going outside unless my life depends on it. I don't have winter blues, I have summer blues.

This session will energize you and make your body feel tingly all over!

Some Cool Art

I was reading about art from the Stone Age today, and the earliest cave paintings were apparently painted for religious purposes (cave paintings are usually found in the darkest recesses of caves, but I don't know that it's enough evidence to assume their purpose.)

There's no way for us to know, so let's not worry about that.

It's certainly possible that cave paintings are ceremonial--we've made a lot of art for religious purposes. Votive sculptures. Temple reliefs. The... Renaissance.

Michelangelo. The Last Judgment. 1541. Sistine Chapel, Vatican City.

No big. 

And we generally find it easy to visualize old religious art. What about new religious art? I couldn't think of anything.

Well, except--

Giménez, Cecilia. Ecce Homo. 2012. Sanctuary of Mercy Church, Borja.

(I kid, I kid.)

I was curious, so I googled it. And then I spent the rest of the afternoon looking at contemporary religious art. Here are some interesting artists I found:

1. Patrick Graham captures the Irish religious experience, particularly of the Catholic faith, but wants his work to appeal to those who struggle with issues of identity, freedom, or faith.

Patrick Graham. Somewhere Jerusalem, 1996 Jack Rutberg Fine Arts

2. Jordan Eagles creates art out of preserved blood to evoke the connections between life, death, body, spirit, and the universe.

Jordan Eagles, 2009, Blood preserved on Plexiglas, UV resin

3. Seema Kohli's art is layered, symbolic and laced with mythological narrative and Tantric thought.

Seema Kohli (b. 1960). "Untitled," 2007.

And there's a whole lot more where that came from.

Comic Strip Magnets

Nobody loves out-of-context comic panels as much as me. Sunday comics are my jam.

Last year, I decided to make fridge magnets out of comic strips. Today, I actually made some.

Here's what you need:

• Sunday Paper
• Magnet Strip ($2)
• Scissors and/or Exacto Knife
• Glue (I used wood glue, but anything stronger than Elmo should work just fine)
• Clear PVC sheet ($1)
• Sheet of balsa wood ($2) I used balsa because I'm familiar with it, and because it's easy to cut without needing a saw or a sander. It's a really light wood though, so the final product doesn't feel as sturdy. If you want something a little harder but still easy to work with, I'd recommend birch.

(aren't these scissors the cutest?)

Cut out the panels you want to use, and glue them onto the wood. To prevent wrinkling the paper, use a very little amount of glue (this part doesn't need fool-proof gluing). 

Then, cut the shapes out with scissors or an exacto knife (you can use scissors on balsa without a problem.) Place the PVC sheet over the paper, and carefully trace and cut it so that it'll cover the entire square. Then, glue around the edges, and attach smaller pieces of the magnet strips onto the back. I messed up quite a few times... newspaper is difficult to work with, so you might consider printing out the images on thicker paper/with better ink.

If you're patient and want something that looks more professional, you can get glass covers instead of the PVC sheets. The only caveat is that you can't choose the size since the glass is pre-cut.

Ow. My Neck.

I can't look to my left. I hurt my neck. 

How?

A movie marathon. One couch-reclining, back-hunching, neck-straining day later, I can't turn my neck.

If my neck doesn't make me feel like an old lady, my remedy certainly does. It's a cane and a makeshift neck brace.

The cane hooks around my back and applies pressure at just the right places, and the neck brace heats up. More importantly though, I'm doing the following stretches, per Wendy's instructions:

(The following images can be found here)

Entwine your arms together like so, and raise your arms up as much as is comfortable. Lower them slowly. Switch the orientation whenever.

(photo via)



Push your chest forward as much as you can, with your shoulders pushed back. Lift your head as high as you can. When you're ready, move back to a normal position (i.e. don't push your chest back and shoulders forward.) Do this slowly.

(photo via)

And, finally, there's the snake position in yoga.






As always, be careful when doing stretches to help strained muscles. In these situations, it's best to stretch for short periods multiple times a day.

I need to start doing yoga again. I had no idea how tight my shoulders and neck were...

Self Control

Let's talk addictions. But let's not use that word, because I don't want to talk about stuff your body needs to avoid withdrawal symptoms.

The kind of addictions I want to talk about are more synonymous with bad habits. Think "I'm addicted to Netflix" or "I'm addicted to Starbucks." Think about obsessively checking your phone. Think about hours of scrolling on tumblr. 

(via miggyber)

Think about how you feel when you're done. Are you ever refreshed? Do you feel energized?

Yeah, me neither.

(Side note: there's little evidence that internet addiction is a thing. Also, psychologists look for things like online gambling and excessive porn-watching, not being on facebook for 4 hours at a time.)

Compulsive behavior looks like those urges you have to do something when, objectively, you can think of more fulfilling ways to spend your time. But you feel like doing them, and those feelings somehow always win. If you've ever been unable to stick with a New Year's resolution, was it because you didn't want to? Or because it was hard to?

The best way I can describe what compulsive behavior looks like is "The Sim Rule" (stop giving me that look.) If you were controlling your life like you were a character in The Sims, would your day look the same?

My Sims jog. They garden. They don't spend nearly as much time on a computer as I do. I know what I objectively value. But I also know it's hard to get up and do those things. 

For some people, it's easy to pick up a new habit. Some people can make a decision and stick with it. Not me. I have to acknowledge that building habits is very difficult, because otherwise I'll beat myself up if I can't follow through with the resolutions I make. It's hard. I've failed before. But I'm not ready to give up.

I've talked about cutting down my time on the computer by choosing to read instead, and while I've only been semi-consistent in my follow through, I'm making progress. I feel much more relaxed, and like I have a lot more time in my day.

But there's another time-sucking trap I fall into more than I'd like to. 

2048. Flappybird. Candy Crush. If it's a game you can't set down, it's a trap. Here's why: you're going to stop playing it because you're sick of it, not because you're ready to get back to whatever you were working on before. 

Sudokus and crosswords are much better for me. I don't know if it's because you feel more accomplished when you finish them, or if they take more mental energy to play, but I play these instead of a game on my phone. You might spend more time than you originally intended, but less time than what you would inevitably spend otherwise. Here's a book at B&N for $6 that'll last you for months.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the Sunday paper awaits.

Lazy Tips for Cleaner Floors

I don't ever want to vacuum more than once a week. People apparently vacuum every other day (some vacuum daily?) and just the thought of that makes me want to

(photo via)

But I have concrete floors, and it seems like they get dusty anytime I open the door. You'd think that means I have to vacuum more frequently, right?

Wrong.

I want to introduce you to Smith's rosebud salve.

No, no, I don't go around rubbing rosy vaseline on my floors.

After I take a shower, I put some of this on my feet (because they get ashy, especially in the summer.) Then, I put on old athletic socks inside-out (with the fuzzy side now facing out), and go about my life normally for about an hour before taking the socks off, wiggling my thoroughly-moisturized toes, and tossing the socks in the hamper. High-traffic areas are usually the dirtiest ones, and walking around with what is essentially a duster on the bottom of your feet keeps them cleaner during the week!